Three Year Progress Photo

I'd like to be one of those people who turns out some fabulous time lapse of how their child has changed. One picture a day, that kind of thing. So far the only consistent image I have is a random shot that I happened to recreate one year after coming home and then again the next year. So I did it again this year. Three years home!

June 2011, first day home

June 2012

June 2013

June 2014

So it may be the last year she can put on these clothes. But then I said that last year too. Thank goodness for stretchy clothes! I can't believe how loose those pants once were on her. She was so little then. I just noticed that we forgot the socks. Probably wouldn't have made it over her heels :-)

Two whole years

I can't believe it. Two years ago yesterday, Katy and I shared our first breakfast together at home. Watching the video now I'm head over heels for her. And I can laugh now remembering how happy I was, just before the bottom fell out. I was thinking, this is easy! She's adorable, I'm a natural, and so on. Little did I know I'd be a blubbering puddle of anxiety a few short days later. (if you want to rehash it, check the archives) But, like I said, I can laugh now. That's not to say there aren't days I'm loaded with anxiety. I am past the blubbering puddle at least. whew!

Katy has shot up from below the 1st percentile for her height all the way to 90th percentile! This girl is amazing. Just to show how much she's grown, here she is two years ago...

And here she is today. Same clothes. Probably the last time she will be able to wear them. They are after all 24 month sizes.

Here is the video I took on June 26, 2011. Our first morning together at home...

And this was how we started our morning, two years and a day later. Breakfast is now at daycare so we weren't eating but we were still enjoying some 'music'.

 

Sometimes it's difficult to think back to those first few weeks. I think we came out ok though and I'm looking forward to some more fun times ahead. We'll celebrate our two years with a trip to the beach perhaps. Or maybe just the playground. Either way we'll have fun together, my girl and me.

Coming up for air

It’s been almost three weeks since we returned from Ethiopia with Katy. I am amazed every day at how lucky I am to be able to call this wonderful girl family.

It has been a wild ride to say the least. I have held off on posting because I needed to get myself together and not post something irrational and wonky. For the past two and a half years, I have scoured the internet for adoption blogs. Ethiopian adoptions, single mom adoptions, adoptees, birth moms etc etc etc. I’ve followed some amazing families through the process from paperwork to travel to home. I thought I was as prepared as I could possibly be. And truthfully, I was prepared for much of what happened. What I did not expect is to completely disassemble have some emotional struggles.

We returned from Ethiopia a bit battered and down. Poor Katy was down with double ear infection and a bad cold. I had a bout of possible food poisoning, which is odd since I hadn’t eaten much on the entire trip. Some day I’ll post the travel blogs I journalled when I was there. Today, I’m just keeping it real. It has been H.A.R.D.

I’ll start by saying Katy is wonderful. I believe her attachment is going well. She is a happy, content kid and loves to shower me with giggles and smiles. She doesn’t yet respond to her American name (or her Ethiopian name for that matter) but learned the sign for ‘eat’ in less than a day. That girl loves to eat! What I desperately hope is that she doesn’t remember the crazy lady who couldn’t pull it together for the first two weeks of her time in America.

The first few days I was not completely a mess. We went for walks, figured out what to eat and started to get a schedule for napping and bedtime. I was ready for the transition to be hard for her. I can’t say exactly what happened but I lost it. Completely lost control. I called my neighbor (love love love my neighbors!) at 2am at my wits end. I couldn’t soothe her and I could not come down off that ledge. I was jacked up, good gravy. Sobbing and nearing hysteria. All it took was for her to come over, pick up Katy and be the calm she needed and everything was fine. Seriously felt like a complete failure at that point. The next day I packed up the girl and the dog and headed to my parents’ house where they took care of her while I slept and cried. Holy cow, I haven’t cried that much ever.

After that I lined up another neighbor (did I say how much I love my neighbor friends?) to stay with me for two more nights. Somehow having someone there, even if just for backup made it seem more manageable. Then we ran into the end of the holiday weekend and everyone going back to work and families. I made a million phone calls. Doctors, help lines, crisis lines, nanny lines. I have many phone numbers. What I needed was someone to be there, at my house, being there and being calm. I never was able to get someone overnight but my parents and friends rallied to support me in my numbness with visits and food and positive encouragement.

There is a very real thing called Post Adoption Depression Syndrome. Certainly I felt all of the symptoms at some point in the last three weeks: extreme and fluctuating emotions, depressed mood for the majority of the day with feelings of sadness, anxiety and irritation, loss of interest in daily activities, loss of appetite. One might argue that’s just the fatigue talking. That every new mother feels overwhelmed. Well count me in. I fully expected fatigue and the physical work of taking care of a toddler. I expected she would have trouble attaching. I did not expect the emotions and the trouble I would have attaching. For something I have wanted so much for as long as I can remember, I should be overjoyed to have this child here. And now after a few weeks I’m starting to feel it. But I’ve had to fake it a lot until now.  Every day it gets a little easier.

What I would do differently if I could go back? I would line up overnight help for the first two weeks. I would have people around more often. It takes a village. Seriously. I can’t say I’m 100% there but I’m not sobbing uncontrollably any more. Very awkward at parties, that’s for sure. We’ve had play dates and gone on outings (not including the many trips to the clinic and pharmacy). I actually baked pies today! It’s the first time I’ve done anything remotely normal for me since before we left. Things are looking good.

One of the most surprising things about this journey is the support of all the moms I know who don’t discount my feelings and in fact can relate completely to them. I’m grateful for all the encouragement I’ve gotten and want to publicly apologize for not helping out more when their babies were born. :-)

Better posts ahead I promise. The trip was great but sensory overload and I thankfully got more pictures than the first trip. So, more to come. Right now we’re working on one hour at a time. Deep breathing to calm the butterflies and keeping busy to make the days fun. Hugs and cuddles to build up the trust for both of us. It’s all good and getting better every day.

Home!

We're settling in I think. I will post more about the trip but for now I'll just say it was a wild ride. She's a cutie and I'm head over heels in love! Now if we can just figure out this schedule thing...

The final countdown

We're almost there! By this time tomorrow we'll be off on the adventure of a lifetime. Dad (Papa) and I are coordinating the packing tonight and then at the crack of too early we'll be off to the airport. Riley's set up with the sitter :-) and Mom (Nana) has her people lined up too. I have way too much stuff but we'll leave a bunch of it at the foster home for the kids and the staff. I hope I have the right stuff, enough stuff, the important stuff and not the wrong stuff. We'll see when we get there I guess!

So many people have asked me if I'm excited. hmm. Well yes, of course. But my comeback is this. It's as if someone asked you if you were excited to move to the moon. Excited yes, but do I have any idea? Sure, weightlessness would be awesome and the views of earth would be spectacular. But it's probably dusty and dark. So can you be excited? For sure! Will I be more excited by this time Friday when she is in my arms and it is real? Most definitely.

Good gravy what have I gotten myself into? :-D

Baby's room update

While technically she's not a baby anymore it seems funny to call it a toddler room :-) This weekend I plowed through a ton of projects that I'd been sitting on for a while. (some longer than others.)

First, I finished putting all the flower decals on the walls, plugged in the new lamp and added the dimmer switch so it can be a night light...

Then I hung up the paintings and hanger I found at the art fair in Tel Aviv. Seriously, the cutest paintings ever. Also finished the afghan that matches all the other kids' afghans I made for the next generation of the Romano family. And made the pillow out of the fabric we bought in Tel Aviv...

Then I painted the closet door knobs to match the decals...

Later this summer we'll add the shelf and world map that my dad is crafting but other than that, we are done! Ready to be populated with a little munchkin very soon!

What do you think?

Another date change

On Friday I received the latest news from the agency. Our requested dates of June 13, 14 or 15 are all booked. sigh. Our next available dates to request are June 21, 22 and 23. How frustrating! What exactly is the point of letting us choose dates if they aren't available. I have an idea. How about you just tell me the soonest I can have a date and I'll just be there. That's what they did for the court date and it worked out just fine. I think the 'appearance' of having control while not actually having any control is the hardest thing.

I remember people telling me that the wait from court to embassy was the hardest. Until last week, I didn't agree with that. I still felt the time to referral was the worst. The not knowing. Will it happen, what will she be like, will I connect when I see her face? All those things drove me crazy. Once I saw her, I knew it was going to happen and it was just a matter of time. Now, it's coming down to the last few weeks and I'm So.Over.It. Done. And yet, it's more waiting. Hoping to hear on Tuesday or Wednesday if the dates they've we've chosen are available. More on that next week!

In the meantime, I'm still getting ready and packing things here and there (without actually taking out suitcases, since that drives Riley into a tizzy and who needs that?). I have toys and clothes and first aid stuff, benedryl and children's tylenol. I'll pick up some diapers and formula and some other food once I find out what she's used to eating these days.

I also wanted to bring something back to the nannies and staff at the guest house since they've taken such good care of all the kids there. I racked my brain, what would be a good gift? It's so hard to say. In the end it came down to these...

I modified a crochet pattern for a stuffed heart and created an opening with a flap. With some fun buttons from my mom's old collection and a braided loop, I think they make cute little purse-y type things. Then what to put in there? I thought a Minnesota made soap or something would be great. I purchased some from a local place from their online store. When they arrived the smell was so overpowering I coughed for days until I took the box outside. So, that got nixed. Maybe some people like that much essential oil smell but I'm not giving anything away that makes me sick :-)  Some puttering around from store to store uncovered these cute little notebooks and tiny pens. With some (decidedly less smelly) lotion, I think I'm done. I hope they like them!

Inching ever closer...the sequel

Fingerprints are finally processed and the Embassy has confirmed they are there! Next step is to request three dates. I requested the earliest possible dates that we could physically manage. Sure enough, they couldn't do those dates. argh! How about you just tell me the three dates then. sheesh. So we are now waiting to hear about June 13, 14 or 15.

I thought I'd be able to book travel today. Then I remember that the Embassy doesn't work Fridays so we won't hear until Monday. The waiting now is actively, physically painful. ugh. Years from now we will look back and it will only be a distant memory. But today, it sucks.

I suppose though, it's good that we wait a little to go. First, the tickets won't be horrendously expensive. Second, I find myself with this...

My badge of honor for doing the right thing and donating blood. Apparently the needle didn't go in right and instead of pumping the blood out it pumped it back into my arm. neat. All those chemo treatments and doctor visits and MRIs and whatnot and this never happened. ishy. Now I'm sure it's probably not a problem to fly a long distance with that large of a bruise but carrying a toddler around might be challenging.

So what is your best 'traveling with a toddler' tip? I can use all that I can get...

Inching ever closer...

Last week I found out that my case has been cleared by the US Embassy! One would think I would be madly packing and booking flights. Sadly, we're still waiting on fingerprints. Ugh. If only. (see earlier post) Whatever. Have you checked your i-171H yet?

In any case, the Embassy is ready and waiting. Last Friday, I called USCIS to see if they'd been processed. They directed me to the NBC (National Benefits Center) and they said the package was in the mailroom waiting to go out 2-day air. Then they go to the NVC (National Visa Center). At the NVC, they upload the prints to a sharepoint drive and let the Embassy know they are there. Hopefully we will hear this week if the prints have arrived. Then we choose three dates and the Embassy lets us know which one is available.

So, in the event that the prints arrive this week, we've tentatively asked for May 31, June 1 or June 2. It's so far away! And yet so soon! I have yet to buy any diapers or get her outfits packed up in neat ziploc bags for the flight home (or a host of other things I probably should be doing or have done). I've almost completed the little gifts I planned to bring to the nannies and staff at the transition house. It's not much but I'm so grateful for the care they give all those kids.

It seems like many people I traveled with or whose kids she plays with every day have scheduled travel and are on their way. I'm so excited for their families to be reunited and I can't wait to hear their stories. Those of us still waiting are thankful for all the hugs and love you can give to our babies as they wait for us!

Important information day...and a little whining

I wouldn't call this blog a wealth of deep and insightful knowledge. Probably, you'd say it is a nice picture book with the occasional recipe. All good, I say. I never claimed to be anything other than just another page on the internet, just trying to get from day to day. But today, I have something that you might even find useful (if you're adopting anyway).

Anyone who has been through or is going through the process of international adoption (and I would guess also domestic adoption) knows it is challenging on many levels. This month, my challenge has been paperwork. Not that it is necessarily more or less than the giant stack that sits in my office, tipping over at random occasions. And anyone who knows me knows that I tend to be just on the edge of compulsive about organization (I'll just let you decide which side). I think I just hit the wall. I'm done with needing more forms and more checking and more everything. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want the process to be so easy, any psycho could do it. I'm just whining that I'm over it all. My baby waits for me, let's get on with it. Ok so that's my whine for the day, on to the important information.

As you start the adoption process you start to amass papers. Application forms, agency information and references to start. Then you move on to dossier forms, in duplicate and triplicate, notarized and authenticated by the state. Then that stack sits for a long time. Then you get a referral-yea! More forms and more papers. stack stack stack. More waiting then a court date. What do you bring? I brought my whole dossier and never took it out of the suitcase. But I had it, darnit!

Court gets passed (sometimes quick, sometimes slow) then you wait some more. Now, with a new addition to the process, there are more forms! DS-230, i600 and i864. Before, you would fill them out and bring them with you, now you get to do them early, notarize them and then bring more unsigned copies with you. Good gravy.

Now on to the fun part. Everyone who has received their i171H form, go now, look through the stack(s) of papers and get it out.

I'll wait...

Ok take a look at the bottom right hand corner, the part where it says 'Fingerprint Expires On:'. Write that down on a big piece of paper and put it on your refrigerator where you can look at it every day. That way, you won't get a call on Tuesday saying 'let's overnight a fingerprint request to USCIS since they expire on Thursday'. sigh.

It's right there on the bottom right hand corner...

Not to be confused with the top right hand corner which is when the actual i171H expires...

I've read blog after blog and lurked on countless adoption lists. Along the way I've read stories of people scrambling at the last minute because their fingerprints expired and they were in the process of traveling. I've always shook my head and wondered how that could possibly happen since everything is on a form for you to file and remember. And then, it happened to me. Waa? Boo. Well I thought I was good until August but then I hadn't looked at my i171H since I got it, back in February of last year. And really. Seriously. Fingerprints expire? Like they'll change? sigh again.

So I scrambled, wrote a very nice letter and overnighted it to USCIS. I now have a new fingerprinting appointment on May 16th and am praying desperately that I haven't delayed our reunion any longer than it would have been already.

And now pass this knowledge on to you. Just trying to do my part for my vast readership :-)

Missing Ethiopia

A few days ago, through the magic of the internet and the thoughtfulness of internet friends, I was able to see some new pictures of my baby girl. Along with those pictures was a great view of other places outside the transition house, in and around Addis Ababa. When we were there we met a mom who has been in Addis for a few months with her new daughter waiting for the embassy to get their paperwork done. While I know that she would much prefer being at home with her family all together, I know she is experiencing Ethiopia in a way that is truly a gift for her and her daughter. It made me think about the kind of trip I thought I would have and the one that actually happened.

I spent hours researching Ethiopia. Lalibela, Gondar, the Blue Nile, Lake Tanna and other amazing places. Even after making the trip plans and knowing our time was short I thought I'd get to see at least a little of what I read about. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute we got to spend with Katy and all of the kids at the transition house. I can't help but think though, that by not going anywhere else, I've let her down a little. Some day, she'll ask about her country and I won't have anything to share except the road between the guest house and her transition house and pictures that other people took on their trips. I know the purpose of my trip. To meet her and go to court. I get that and did that and loved it. And yet, I feel like I didn't see what it means to be in Ethiopia, experiencing the country and the culture and it makes me sad for her.

Needless to say, the change jar is out and getting filled in anticipation of another trip someday. When she's old enough to remember, we'll be able to go back together and really experience her country like we should have the first time.

Sunday Snapshot 4/3/11 - Introducing...

I'd like to officially introduce Baby G! Beautiful Kathryn Hewan is being cared for by a bunch of great nannies and awaits my return hopefully sometime soon.

Check out the other beautiful Sunday Snapshots at this week...

Travel post #3 - Ethiopia!

I've wanted to write this post for a very long time. Maybe not the actual writing of the post but the trip it's about. But how do you condense a lifetime of waiting and a cultural overload into one post? I'm sure others will do it eloquently and much better than I will but I'll put it out there just the same.

We left London in the evening to arrive in Addis Ababa early the next morning. The flight was fine, just not nearly as comfortable as the flight to London. Susan and Erik had a very nice, very large man at the end of their row and I gave up my window seat to the large man stuck in the middle seat. Trying for good karma and getting an uncomfortable night but oh well. Mostly I just wanted to take pictures of my first view of Africa from the plane before we landed but I had to stow my carryon overhead because it didn't fit. grr. It was a beautiful sight, you'll have to take my word for it. It was my first flight where one of the food choices was fish. Seems like an odd dish to serve, fish being so polarizing and well, smelly. I chose the beef :-)

Here's a satellite view of many of the stops on our trip...

We got to the airport and I expected a sign with the guest house name or our name or something but there was no one there for us. I think we came in a bit early? So, it was my first attempt at using the fancy global phone that Verizon provided for the trip. Despite their instructions on how to dial in country, I could not for the life of me figure it out. It was very frustrating! A very nice person at a booth nearby figured it out for me and I reached the guest house. They said someone would come right away. We stood around blinking and yawning, and completely forgot to exchange money at the airport.

Don't forget to change some money at the airport! You can probably get someone to drive you to a bank but we had difficulties with them accepting our bills even though they were newer than 2003 like we were told. Lesson learned, I'll be more put together next time.

We were driven to the guest house and dropped off. Unsure what to do, we just hung around the living room and talked to the people already staying there. I was so grateful to have people there who had their wits about them! Everyone staying there was so nice and helpful! One of the kids there to meet her new brothers even wrote out a bunch of Amharic words translated to English and gave us a copy. So sweet and thoughtful! She'll be a great sister to her brothers I'm sure.

Here's the guest house courtyard, living room and some views from the windows...

Finally we got our rooms and we dumped our luggage. Aggie and Z were our hosts and let us know we'd be going to the transition house to pick up Baby G and bring her back. huh? I was not prepared and felt like the worst mom ever, and I hadn't even started yet! Turns out the other agency using the guest house has the kids stay there. Whew. As much as I would have LOVED that, I didn't bring anything like diapers or food or anything. Sigh. So they took us to the transition house and dropped us off. Here's the transition house and courtyard...

Again, unsure what to do and no one really there to let us know, we headed into the room where there were kids playing. I saw my baby girl, in the corner on a brightly colored mat, drinking away from a bottle. I knew in an instant it was her (had some doubts seeing only a couple of pictures) and she is adorable. Just perfect. I'm not sure what the right words are to describe how amazing it was to finally meet her, get to hold her and play with her. I'll have more on that later when I feel more comfortable about introducing her whole self to the internet.

Aren't these feet just precious?

Thankfully, there on the couch was a couple from New York on their court visit too. They'd been there a week and had many tips for us. Their kids, 6 and 4-yr old siblings were a joy and we were happy to spend time with them during our visit. Happy, playful, polite and friendly even though they didn't speak much English. While we tried to stay awake, they let us know where to get good pizza (Island Breeze) and decent internet (Hilton). They shared their trip and how they spent most of the day at the transition house and evenings at the guest house. Turns out that's what we did too. I would have loved to see more of the country but hated to sacrifice any time with my girl.

We did head out one day to the National Museum with our driver Daniel. He took us to a shop for souvenirs and we ate at the Lucy Cafe, next to the museum. It might have been a tourist stop but I'd recommend it! Susan, Erik and Daniel ate traditional Ethiopian food and I tried the Indian food. They even had diet coke on the menu! (they were out, sadly for the diet coke drinkers in our group). One note to remember, if you're a big fan of diet coke, it is quite rare in Ethiopia. I'd recommend bringing it with you if you really need it.

One day we walked over to the Simien Hotel with another couple staying at the transition house. The buffet was traditional and very tasty (and they had wi-fi!). We also took a look at the rooms and it seems like a great candidate for lodging on the next trip. It was a 20 minute casual walk from the house and the rooms were nice and had a range of prices. We also had dinner at the Zebra Grill with a woman who's been staying in the country since December, waiting on her embassy date. It was great to meet her and her daughter! 

Friday was our court date. We hadn't arranged for the driver to take us, I guess I thought it was already arranged. The whole driver thing got me a bit confused. I'll definitely have a better handle on it for the next trip. I thought they would know when and where we were supposed to go places and they would arrange for it. At least that was my understanding. Honestly sometimes I feel like such a bumpkin! ugh. Anyway, we figured it out and met the lawyer and the other couples at the courthouse.

We filed into a big room with other adoptive parents as well as many birth families. When it was our turn we all went into the judge's room together. She confirmed all of our cases and we answered in unison to all of her questions. It was all pretty easy procedurally but nerve wracking emotionally. One couple was able to meet the birth mother after the court appearance. I can only imagine how emotional that must have been! None of us had our MOWA letters that day. Since then a few have come in, mine included! I am officially a mom!

What an amazing experience! There's so much more to it than a blog post. It was hard to take it all in and still live in the moment. I am counting the minutes until we get to go back!

Good: meeting and spending time with my daughter (duh), experiencing the culture and the people, meeting other adoptive families and their great kids

Bad: leaving my daughter (duh again), leaving creature comforts behind, no diet coke, watching the devastation in Japan on TV

And last but not least...Israel!

Travel post #1 - By the numbers

Rather than make one giant post about my trip, I'm trying to break it down into pieces. During this adoption process, I have done a lot of blog reading and always felt that people should write more about their travel experiences for those of us who will come along later. Then I went and came home. And realized it's so overwhelming it's hard to put into words without trivializing it or writing a book so long no one will read. And I haven't had time to breathe since I got home with work being so busy.

So, this weekend, I'm going to get it out there. All those things I wish someone had told me before I went and also just the fun stuff. Maybe it will be helpful for someone out there on their way as well.

I took an extended trip rather than just straight in to Ethiopia. I couldn't go so far across the world and not visit my good friends Jon and Susan, living so far away in England and Israel. It made for a whirlwind tour but I wouldn't have changed a thing (except the mixup at the London Eye, but that's a whole other story).

Here's a glimpse of the tour from the sky...

Trip by the numbers:

14 days
4 continents
5 countries
31.5 flight hours
15,419 flight miles
7,726 ft - highest elevation in Addis Ababa
-702 ft - lowest elevation in Tiberius, by the Sea of Galilee
1.6, 16.6, 3.55 - dollar exchange rates for Pounds, Birr and Shekels
2 wonderful travel companions in my sister and brother-in-law
2 long distance friends visited for too short of a time
and finally, most importantly...
1 beautiful baby girl

Some things I forgot, didn't know or remember about traveling to far off places:

1. Write down your itinerary in one place, a convenient place and keep it in the same place for the whole trip. Boarding passes, tickets, passport, ID. All in one place safe from pickpockets but easy to access at the airport.

2. Keep a small bag inside your carry-on that includes the most essential airplane needs so that if you have to stow your carry-on (grr) you can pull it out easily and place in the seat pocket.

3. Keep in that small bag: a pen, or even two (customs forms!), neck pillow (blow up one was very handy), eye shade, book, camera

4. Tylenol PM and as much overnight travel as possible. Saved me from most if not all jet lag.

5. Have a plan for communication. Make a list of all the phone numbers and figure out ahead of time how to call them. Is it 011+number? 01+country+number? Good to know ahead of time so when you just got off an overnight flight and are in a strange place and no one is there to greet you, you don't get frazzled. Not that I did or anything :-)

6. A phrase book or a list of common phrases in whichever language spoken where you will visit. I'd have this list with my itinerary next time so it's all in one place.

7. Did I mention the Tylenol PM yet?

I'm sure there are many things I have already forgotten that I was going to document. These are at least the ones that stood out the most. That darn pen, I always forget one and then I can't fill out the customs forms on the plane. Argh!

What did I miss? What was the one thing you wish you had known before you traveled?

Next up, London...

Home with great news!

After hitting three continents, five airports and an amazing number of wonderful experiences, I am home. It was indescribable, meeting Baby G for the first time. She's the cutest little thing ever! She seems happy, content and the nannies at the transition house are taking great care of all the kids. Court date went smoothly, even if we didn't get the MOWA letter, allowing the case to be passed and moved to the embassy. I'm happy to report that I just received an email from the agency that we got the letter today! Now we wait again for an embassy date anywhere from 6-12 weeks from now. A detailed travel post (or three) to come but for now I'm just getting settled back in to regular life.

Bon Voyage!

This is it! In less than 8 hours I will be on a plane! Certainly I've forgotten something and also have more things than I need. Tomorrow I will arrive in London and meet up with my sister and her husband, who have been vacationing there since Saturday. I'm a little nervous about getting myself from the airport to the hotel on the train and tube but I managed the metro in Paris and the subway in New York so I'm assuming I'll be able to figure it out. I can't wait to meet up with my friend Jon, who lives outside of London. It will be fun to see 'middle England' and not just the tourist spots.

After a few days in London, I'm incredibly excited to fly to Addis Ababa to finally meet Baby G. Each picture I receive of her is cuter than the one before. I hope she likes the outfits and amazingly fuzzy soft bunny I will bring for her. More importantly, I hope she likes me! Not just a little nervous about that. I heard yesterday that they have brought her to the new foster home and I'm hoping it was a good transition for her. So many moves in her short life!

After the court date on March 11, I'll regretfully leave Baby G and head to Israel for a few days. I'm looking forward to seeing the country through the eyes of my good friend Susan, who lives there. We'll tour Tel Aviv and Jerusalem and hopefully swim in the ocean.

I may be blogging on the trip, if I can figure it out. In any case, travel posts to come soon. Have a great two weeks everyone! Baby G here I come!

(sorry for all of the !!! I've had too much coffee today...)

Finally finished!

A few years ago, I took it upon myself to recreate the family Christmas stockings for the new members of the family. Never mind I hadn't knitted anything since I was 12 and there was no official pattern. And hello, they are socks! With heels and toes and turning and whatnot. But why start with something simple like a scarf? That would be silly. Let's just hit the big time and make up my own pattern.

Well at long last, after having red, green and white yarn on my coffee table for three years (with a few breaks in there for life to happen) the stockings are done!

One for Bob, Donna, Erik, Kathy, Jack and even Riley. And one blank one for my soon-to-be daughter. I thought it best to leave it blank so if we land on a different nickname than I have planned I don't have to rip it out and start over. Then again, my stocking says Steffie so I guess if it's wrong it's not such a big deal.

All sorts of good things happening here. Knitting, duplicate stitching, sequins and beads, pom poms and braided loops. So much to learn! And now there's a pattern. I'm thinking I'll add it to my Ravelry page someday. Maybe some other family wants funky Santa stockings too? We think they are pretty nice hanging by the fireplace.

For another post soon, the grand adventure has begun! My sister and her husband are already exploring London, where I will meet them on Thursday. A few days to enjoy jolly old England then the real reason for the trip...meeting my daughter! I'm excited to see the new foster home and see her homeland, even if I can't see the town where she was born. Guess I'd better get to packing!

Latest Updates and Two Year All Clear!

Sometimes you don't realize you're holding your breath until you let it out. That's how I felt this morning. Last week I had my follow-up MRI and mammogram and today was the appointment with the oncologist. Until she said those wonderful words "Everything looks great" I had no idea how it was weighing me down to wait. It's funny, you know that you feel good and so you think everything will be good but then you think that you felt good before and it went so terribly wrong. But not this time, and hopefully not ever again. I feel like a huge weight just flew off my back. Could not imagine what I would have done if, with travel to Ethiopia looming in the near future, I had heard something else. Thankfully I won't have to think about that any more. The end. For another year anyway.

And speaking of travel, I have a court date! I'll be heading to Ethiopia in March to meet Baby G for the first time. It's finally becoming real! Plane tickets are purchased and I've arranged a few days in London before and a few days in Israel after. Can't say that everyone is 100% excited about my itinerary but I am! Looking forward to seeing my friend Jon and the sights of London and Susan in Israel with all of her wonderful puppies. The extra travel added much to the cost and time of the trip but I know it will be a long time before I'll be able to travel solo so I'm taking it in now while I can. Originally I had planned to also take in the Seychelle Islands. Sigh. So much money and so little time. I've had a picture of the Seychelles on my fridge for a long time now but it won't happen. Then again, I'm not so sure I really want to go to the most beautiful place on earth by myself, and only for a few days. Guess I'll save that for some other lifetime.

The reality of it is that I'm finally feeling like it's really going to happen and I will actually meet my daughter. It sounds so wonderful! I'm so not ready and yet more ready than I can even express in words. Enough limbo already, let's get this show on the road! Sunday (with the help of my fabulous cousin Lexi) Baby G's room was painted Pale Shrimp pink. This weekend I'll apply the daisy decals I bought from Etsy and head to the fabric store to find fabric for curtains and a valance. Assuming I'll be able to figure out how to sew curtains and a valance it should work out well! Boy I sure hope she likes pink and flowers!

Saturday I ticked off one more item on the to-do list and painted the kitchen. Sadly to anyone else it doesn't look so much different than it did before but I think it looks brighter and fresher. And as a bonus, the floor under the refrigerator and oven is now clean as well. eew. One bad idea for the weekend was running the oven self-cleaner. Ugh. Here's a tip...don't. At least don't do it in the middle of winter when you can't open your storm windows and it's cold outside. Save it for summer when you can open the windows and leave the house for a few days. It stinks! I wasn't feeling so well and Riley took a couple of days to recover I think, poor thing. Clean is good, just not the smell. Now if I could just finish those Christmas stockings I'll be back on schedule. Knit, purl, knit, purl...they just go on and on!

That's life in a nutshell for this day...

Baby's room thoughts

Update June 2011, the room is done! See how it turned out...

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I'm realizing more and more how much I would like to do to prepare my house for a child. Is it fine if I just paint and decorate the baby's room? Probably. But, I'd really like to have a better place for toys and crafts and storage. Plus there is a whole room of furniture in the room right now. So I've decided to use the money I had set aside to landscape the front of the house to finish the basement instead. That will add much needed storage and a great place to house toys that won't have to be put away so you can walk from the living room to the bedroom. Hopefully those front stairs will last until I have enough money to finish up outside!

Since I need some help from a contractor and Home Depot for the basement, I've turned my daydreaming to decorating the nursery. It's so hard to imagine what she will like. Is she a pink and ruffles kid? An undersea adventurer? Enchanted garden? So much to choose from! Also, since she will be almost two years old when she comes home, will she still need a crib or are we already on to the toddler bed? I'd hate to spend money on a crib that only gets used for a month or so but don't want to have the wrong bed when she gets here. Anyone have advice on that?

I know I'll be doing some kind of painting on the walls. I did my first mural at my good friend Molly's house for her twins Jack and Chase. (top banner had their birthdate, which at the time hadn't happened yet)

Pretty sure I don't want to go with the airplane theme but I found a few pictures that might be close to what I'm thinking.

I love the idea of polka dots...

Or maybe it's a garden theme...

I would love love love to be able to afford this and also have room for it. How fun is that!?

Still so much to do before the painting starts but it sure is fun to get ideas...

It's a girl!

It has happened! I have a referral for a beautiful baby girl! And since I have officially told everyone who would be upset if they read it here first (and apologies to anyone I forgot) I can announce that I'm on to the next phase of waiting.

I received a call late on a Friday afternoon, snow furiously falling outside and me packing up to leave work. My office is very quiet and I didn't want my coworkers to be the first to know so I ran to the conference room to talk and then ran back to my computer to look at the photos and then back and forth. sheesh. My daughter, and yet not my daughter yet. Joy, excitement, panic, anxiety, it's all there. She's so beautiful! When I saw that her recorded birthdate matches my mother's birthday I knew it was her. She's already 14 months old, I can't wait to meet her!

So now it's back to waiting. Waiting to hear when the first court date will be (March, April-ish?) and then again when the embassy date will be (July-August-ish?). Still so far away. In the meantime, I'm trying to be positive in the face of the "helpful" opinions and advice. It's kind of like when you're ready to jump out of the airplane and everyone wants to help you through it.

You know how dangerous this is?
You know the parachute might not open?
You know the plane might crash?
You know that you might just pull the wrong cord and the parachute will come off?

You know kids are expensive? and need a lot of love? and need constant attention? and you won't know what to do? and you won't get any sleep for the rest of your life? and...and...and... You need to do this and this and this or you won't be ready.

Yes. I know these things. I know that I won't be fully prepared. As is any new mother, whether she carries her baby in her womb or in a picture in her wallet. And while I know that everyone means well, I don't need the doom and gloom of how hard it's going to be. I'm thinking enough of that in my head. And I will be as ready as I possibly can be, with or without the "help". So forgive me if I don't write down everything I'm told. I have to filter or the anxiety might just break me.

Countdown begins. So many firsts to come in the new year. Yippee for early Christmas presents!